Time to make that quintessential year ending post.
And unlike last year, this year I do remember what I was doing last New Year’s eve, thanks to the post made by me last year.
This last year, I’ve had some of the most varied experiences of life and have learnt a great deal.
Professionally speaking, I had the first brush of corporate life this summer and learnt some stuff. On campus, I helped conduct two placement processes. I learnt a lot from that.
This year also marks the ending of my academic life, at least for now. Only a couple of months more to go to finish MBA. Despite all my cribbing and some of the disillusion, given a chance, I would not change any of the decisions that I have made in these two years. I feel that despite having to let go of some essential things that my other batch mates have achieved, I’ve utilized my time well and have grown to be a different person from two years before (professionally) in a better way.
What the coming couple of months have in store for me, I do not know. It is highly possible that my experience in the next two months will determine how I look back on my MBA education. For now, I will suffice to say that I have learnt more than I thought I will and that the journey has been good.
But if anyone asks me five years down the line, what it is about 2006 that I remember, I will remember rediscovering a long lost friend.
A friend who has been in my life since I can remember. Frankly, I cannot recall what it was like before this person came into my life – maybe its because its been too long or maybe because this person became such an important part or maybe both.
It is completely ironic how I say that he was such an important part and yet I say that I rediscovered him this year.
I believe everyone has friends – long lost- who they remember everyday in some subconscious part of the brain, but who remain merely those – memories. This friend of mine has been a little more than just a memory for the last eight years. We have been in correspondence, if only for birthdays. We’ve known each other since forever. We stopped being such good friends somewhere down the line because of some unfortunate misunderstandings. It took us some two years to get back in touch. Over the last six years, we’ve been civilized to each other and have built a pseudo-friendship.
It’s really funny how pseudo-friendships turn out to be more comfortable than the intense, loyal ones. So that’s how we’ve been – riding the smooth waves of a comfortable camaraderie.
The rediscovery came about when I finally learnt the truth about the incident that had caused us to separate. A truth which he revealed to me after eight years. A fact that might have changed my life had I got to know about it back then. A fact that now, merely evokes bittersweet memories and tons of ‘What If’ questions.
I was quite elated when I found out this piece of information. But a couple of days down the line, I’ve started feeling not so great about it. In fact, maybe it would have been better had it remained hidden, like it was all these years. Because so far I had built my life on the absence of this knowledge. The sudden inflow of information is causing me to rearrange all the years gone by.
I marvel at the human psyche. I marvel at how feelings change so easily with time. I marvel at how our lives change, how the people who matter change and how easily we allow ourselves to change.
I know that this ability to change is the key to survival. Without it, we would all be stuck in a moment and would not be able to live our lives. Yet, it evokes in me an ache so basic and so core, that I feel the need to question all of it. What I wouldn’t do at this moment to own a pensieve to store and review all the important things in life.
This post is dedicated to this particular friend of mine – who I lost when I needed him the most and who I have now rediscovered.
This post is also dedicated to another friend – whose loss I feel everyday of every year, and who, sadly I cannot find again.
Another new year’s eve signaling a year gone by that’s been great fun, a little problematic and loads of learning.
Happy New Year !!
In the quiet moments while the city’s still dark
Sleepwalking through the summer rain and the tired spaces
You could hear her name when she was warm and tender
And you held her arms around you
There was nothing but her love and affection
She was crazy for you
Now she's part of something that you lost
And for all you know
This could be
The difference between what you need
And what you wanna be
Yeah, what you wanna be
Night swimming in her diamond dress
Making small circles move across the surface
Stand watching from the steady shore
Feeling wide open and waiting for
Something warm and tender
Now she's moving further from you
There was nothing that could make it easy on you
Every step you take reminds you that she's walking wrong
Yeah, for all you know
This could be
The difference between what you need
And what you want
Every word you never said
Echoes down your empty hallway
And everything that was your world
Just came down
Day breaking on the boulevard
Feel the sun warming up your second hand heart
Light swimming right across your face
And you think maybe someday, yeah
Maybe someday
For all you know
Yeah, this could be
The difference between what you need
And what you want
Yeah, for all you know
For all you know
Yeah, for all that you know
This is what you wanna be
Girl, what you wanna be
