The One with Childhood Memories

This one has almost been a nagging thought asking to be put into words. Just to write down the flashes of memories those keep coming to me every now and then.

When we were younger, my brother and I, every summer for vacations we used to go to Chennai. At that time Chennai was a place of escape for me. When I was a kid I used to hate staying in Delhi, as we did not have any relatives there. I had no cousins in the city. I did not have a big joint family around me like my friends. It used to be only the four of us and at that age, I used to long for a joint family with uncles, aunts and cousins.

So going to Chennai for summer vacations was something I looked forward to the whole year.

In Chennai also, I used to like being at my cousin’s place more than my nana-nani’s. Everything about the time I have spent there is etched on mind as clearly as if it were yesterday. Right from the house that they lived in. It wasn’t even their own, but I used to love that house as if it were my own. They’re not there anymore, obviously. They’re not even in the country anymore. I have a small family. At that time I had only two cousins. With my brother and me, that made only four of us. We were a very close knit group. Even our age differences were evenly spaced out. Obviously I was closer to my cousin sis Anu than to her brother, Arun. They used to have school when we had vacations. So in the mornings, while they went to school, I would just hang around the house trailing behind my daadi. I remember there was a phase when I used to listen to the soundtrack of Anjali every day, day in day out. I used to wait for them to come back from school to have lunch with them. It used to be such a fun affair having lunch and dinner with them.

Then in the evening, in the huge hall that the house had, my grandmother would plait my sister’s hair first and then mine. Late afternoon sunlight would be streaming in slits from the balcony. The clock would be about to strike 4:30. And all this preparation was done so that we could go to the terrace to play. We used to play stapu. I don’t know if anyone still plays that game. It’s the one in which you draw seven blocks and throw a stone and hop to pick it up. The terrace was huge and there always used to be a beautiful breeze in the evening. My grandmother and my mom would sit on the side and chat away while watching us. As it became darker to play, we would just sit around and chat.

At night, we used to play all kinds of indoor games like hide and seek and catch.

As the years went by and we grew older, Anu and I would go shopping together, do the occasional cooking, talk about life and the guys in our livesJ.

I remember I was extremely upset when they moved from that house. For me that house symbolized our childhood, all our activities and memories were captured in that house and I could not for the life of me understand, why they would want to leave it.

I was right. After the move, things have never been the same. Of course, it really wasn’t because they moved from there. It was because we all have grown up. We don’t have summer vacations anymore. We are all not even in the same country anymore. This November, Anu is getting married. We’re that grown up.

The memory of that time, in that house, is like a safe place for me. A safe place is a concept used in regression hypnosis, where the patient is asked to return to when the session gets too difficult to handle. Sometimes while going about routine work, I just stop and wonder why I am doing what I am doing, and wonder where the good old days have gone. I guess for me whenever I yearn for the good ol’ days, I just think about that time and that place, which is frozen in space.

And I still ask my grandma sometimes to plait my hair. Not because I need it anymore, but because it symbolizes a constant in this blindly fast-paced routine.

It's really ironic to think that in our hurry to grow up and see the world, we have left the best part of our lives behind, never to go back.

This empty kitchen's where
I'd while away the hours
Just next to my old chair
You'd usually have some flowers
The shelves of books
Even the picture hooks
Everything is gone
But my heart is hanging on

If this old neighbourhood
Survived us both alright
Don't know that it withstood
All the things that took our light
You on the stair
I can see you there
Everything is gone
But my heart is hanging on

Once there was a little girl
Used to wonder what she would be
Went out into the big wide world
Now she's just a memory
There used to be a little school here
Where I learned to write my name
But time has been a little cruel here
Time has no shame

It's just a place where
We used to live
It's just a place where
We used to live

Now in another town
You lead another life
And now upstairs and down
You're someone else's wife
Here in the dust
There's not a trace of us
Everything is gone
But my heart is hanging on

It's just a place where
We used to live
It's just a place where
We used to live

- A Place Where we used to Live
Mark Knopfler